Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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