Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
