are you still at the devil's house?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
