ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
