So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
