Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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