He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
