sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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