i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
