I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
