don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
