her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
