Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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