In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
