Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
