Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize