I wish they made helmets for livers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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