i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
