OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
