porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
COCAINE IS GR8
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
