Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
