He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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