I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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