There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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