I want to make a zoo with you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We are all done wearing pants today
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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