she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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