carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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