What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
