You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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