What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
