The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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