I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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