we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
