i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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