The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
