HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
