They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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