3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
