So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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