I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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