Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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