Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
