i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
