she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
