Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The power of my boobs compel you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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