You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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