nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
