I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
is that a dick in a sweater?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
