I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
