I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
