Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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