brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
