I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize