I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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