I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
