also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
