its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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