What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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