I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
