I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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