sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
