I wish you could order shots online.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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