you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
