I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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