If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
