I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
