she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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