Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
