Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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