You smell like stripper and shame
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
