I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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