We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
