im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
