You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
