I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
