Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
