I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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