he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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