The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
