i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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